Thoughts From Six Feet Away: Random Thoughts, Spring 2022 Edition

Been dealing with some illness issues over the past week, and I decided to take a break from deep thoughts because, well, I wasn't capable of any. The brain may control everything, but make no mistake it's the stomach that really runs the show (or some other structure in the GI tract, if you prefer). I had prepared some of my random thoughts as a "filler" for moments such as these. I promise more original thoughts soon. In the meantime, enjoy.

---

Random Thoughts, early 2022 edition:

I was ready for the end of mask mandates in my county, not because I disagreed with masks, but because I was tired of being pissed off at people. I’m looking at you, guy wearing a mask with his nose sticking out.

Every time a media outlet covers the Russian invasion of Ukraine and tries to pass off a photo from five years ago as one from today, their credibility takes another hit. And they didn’t have much to begin with.

My wife told me today that I sound like Woody from “Toy Story.” I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not.

Someone meditating at a public gym can look really odd.

I’ve gotten to the age where most of the life decisions I question involve food.

There are days when I’m so tired, my DNA won’t even accept it’s reprogramming from my COVID vaccine.

Funny story from last week: my wife and I are at a coffee shop, watching a guy and a girl shamelessly flirting with each other for close to two hours, much to the chagrin of every patron of the establishment. I text my wife: “I’ve never considered myself a player, but I could’ve closed that deal an hour ago with those vibes, back in the day.” She agreed, and I couldn't decide if that was simple agreement or affirmation of my previous skills.

Isn’t it funny how often we take psych meds to treat other peoples’ mental illnesses?

I’m tired of being lectured about the “good old days,” especially when what they remember never existed.

Actual statement uttered by me in the office last week: I attack constipation like it stole my girlfriend.

I can’t decide whether I should be impressed or disgusted by people doubling down on their nonsense.

Apparently, the president of Ukraine used to be a standup comedian. That’s nothing – our politicians have been jokes for years.

The COVID pandemic has desensitized me to ridiculousness. Now, when I hear something crazy on the news, my response has gone from “No way!” to “No shit?”

My Indiana teacher friends have had to deal with parent committees to approve curriculums, as well as a potential ban on discussing matters of race in the classroom. I can’t imagine that happening in my profession.

You owe it to yourself to quit a toxic job, no matter how well it pays.

Burnout happens when the people you work for don’t recognize your value, or when the people you serve don’t acknowledge your worth, or both. And even if that’s not the case, never forget that perception is reality.

I feel like Asian people laugh at how Americans eat sushi, in quantities large enough to be delivered on little wooden battleships.

Why the hell is there a Stress Awareness Month? Who, exactly, is unaware of stress?

How far is considered too far to drive to punch someone in the throat? Asking for a friend…

Apparently, the key to success in the 21st century is showing up and doing your damn job. That’s a motivational text I’m dying to write.

Some days, I can hear the scale mocking me. Bold move for an object sitting next to a second-story window.

People have been asking me lately if I’m upset about the price of gas. I guess I’m too busy being grateful that I’m not in an underground shelter, worried that the Russians have bombed my home or worried that I may never escape the country. Perspective, I guess.

Are we happier now, having the world of information at our fingertips at any given time? I guess there’s some truth to the statement that ignorance is bliss.

Never question the commitment of a man with a tattoo on his penis. Or the common sense…

I love how teenagers these days are really leaning into their awkwardness. That kind of comfort with vulnerability can only lead to inner peace.

---

For those who have longed for me to not be so long-winded, you've gotten your wish! I've gotten a couple of good ideas for future blog posts in the past few days, so I'll be pondering those topics over the next week. Stay safe, and to my Irish friends: May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be always at your back, may the sun shine warm on your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields (and don't drink too much Guinness). And as always, be excellent to each other, and...