Thoughts From 6 Feet Away: The Return?

Random thoughts:

I remember when my daughter first started driving. I was so worried about her going anywhere. I knew the statistics on motor vehicle fatalities. As a parent, I wanted nothing more than to keep her inside, where she was safe. As the COVID numbers are dropping, I find myself feeling the same way. Not suggesting they’re the same, but it’s interesting that the feeling is the same.

Is there a greater testimonial to the failing of our government, at all levels, that people still doubt the information they’re being given about all this, even in the face of evidence? It’s like we’re so used to them lying to us, we no longer feel they’re capable of telling us the truth.

Speaking of which, how come honest politicians aren’t part of the “new normal?” (If you read the blog last week, you’re supposed to drink now. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, look it up.)

Whoever was the first person to change the subtitles in that German movie about Hitler to fit current events, they are a genius.

Has anyone else noticed that Donald Trump smiles like he watched videos of people smiling and copied it?

Pound for pound, T. Rex may be the most underrated band in rock history.

This week in my office’s Pandora: the 90s. And good thing…Smashmouth needed something to do.

I don’t remember the last time I wore khakis. Probably for the best – I don’t remember the last time I fit in them, either.

As the election draws nearer, it bears repeating – someone you disagree with can tell you the truth. Inversely, a person with whom you agree can lie to you.

Enough with the Facebook posts making us to do math based on some deceptive picture. Shame on you.

And while we’re at it, stop with the avatars. None of them look like you. The closest was my cousin’s, and he posted a picture of Terence and Philip from South Park.

Of course we’re a country divided. Otherwise, we’d see how completely ineffective politics has been since about 1994. Just remember, they need us to fight to keep us from seeing the real truth. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, indeed.

Twitter is a pretty weird thing. You type some stuff, and if you reference someone famous, there’s a chance that they see it and interact with you in some way. I know people complain about technology, but to me that’s cool.

For heaven’s sake, it’s just a mask. Put it on and stop crying about it. I’ve been telling some of you that you could stand to wear a mask for years.

I’ve learned that you lose an awful lot of joy if you focus on what the other person is doing.

Humanity’s biggest weakness may be its obsession with trying to control things that can’t be controlled.

I get no benefit from thinking in terms of how something benefits me.

I’m going to bet that there is little difference between Michael Jordan and Lance Armstrong, outside of how the media regards them.

Despite numerous cautionary tales, people are still trying to eat corn with a drill.

Can a joke receive any greater recognition than the slow clap?

Society took a giant collective step forward at some point last week. Did I miss something significant?

Joe Biden is either demented, or he has the worst Bernie Sanders impression in the world.

I may be looking more forward to my next root canal than I am to vote in November.

Is it just me, or does Mitch McConnell look like a public service announcement against plastic surgery? He looks like a character in a horror movie set in a wax museum where the exhibits come to life.

Speaking of that concept, the game “Five Nights at Freddy’s” died like the Death Star blew it up – millions of voices screaming out, then suddenly silent.

Where did we go to crack off snarky, passive-aggressive comments before Twitter?

I miss the days when we thought for ourselves.

Do you think that the threat of losing college football (especially the SEC) played any role in university plans to let students back in the fall?

Remember when all people did was post cat videos or memes on Facebook? I remember being annoyed by those people, but I’d be willing to sell my soul if they came back right now. Current content makes my eyes bleed.

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As the debate rages on about whether or not we should be “reopening” society, I do think it’s humorous (and sometimes tragic) how the behavior of people has subtly shifted. Here are some signs that we are returning to normal:

We are wiping our butts with toilet paper, not the sock whose partner got eaten by the dryer.

Celebrities are starting to talk again.

I’m starting to yell at random people in traffic, because there IS traffic.

I no longer buffer when I stream Netflix.

I haven’t heard the name “Carole Baskin” in weeks.

My son has come out of his room.

Roots are disappearing.

Evidence of personal hygiene abounds.

Distilleries have stopped making hand sanitizer and have switched to, get this, alcohol.

The talking point is now reopening. No one talks about how I’ve worn the same disposable gown for three weeks any more.

I’m no longer coming up with home improvement ideas.

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What things have you seen that suggest things are normalizing? I have to admit, I’m having a hard time coming up with thoughts that bring light to a dark world this week. So much darkness, and soooooo much hate, directed at anyone who is even remotely oppositional. My only hope is that in speaking out against that hate, you don’t become what you despise. Unfortunately, the phrase “hurt people, hurt people” applies. The first ‘hurt’ is an adjective, the second is a verb. Be diligent with your struggles. Do what is right. Feed a homeless person. Try to understand another. Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. As always, be excellent to each other, and party on, dude.