I'm Dr. Rock and Roll: Growth

It was 1960, and the Silver Beatles needed work. Literally, and figuratively.

The band that would eventually save rock and roll and spawn a sonic invasion of America were getting occasional gigs at the now-iconic Cavern Club, but no other clubs in Liverpool were ready to book the four young lads – their guitar player wasn’t even of age. They didn’t have the flair of Rory Storm and the Hurricanes, with their fantastic drummer Ringo Starr. When Germany came calling, and Rory Storm couldn’t commit to a residency in Hamburg, it was the Silver Beatles that went instead. During that time, seven-hour sets not only refined their playing, but also created a need to be constantly writing new music. By the time they returned to the Cavern Club a couple of years later (after replacing Pete Best with Ringo Starr), they were poised to take the world by, ahem, storm.

The Beatles learned about the power of situations that make us grow, and we would be wise to heed their lesson. I spent the weekend with an old friend from high school. In fact, he used to visit me at the laundromat across from his grandmother’s house when we were four. He often expresses to me that he enjoys our visits together because he can share ideas with me, as well as dreams for his life. Our relationship was always like that – we’d sit in the basement of his house, listening to the Scorpions on his huge boom box and talk about the future, whether it was girls we’d like to date, or what we’d like to see and experience. Our souls have accumulated a few miles, so you would think that our conversations have changed over time. Yes, we have some regrets about how things came out, but you know what hasn’t changed? Discussing our continued hopes and dreams, although now the discussions include retirement. He forces me to think bigger, and I do the same for him.

The Bible says “as iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” But how often do we press our dull blades to a stone that won’t hone our edge? We have inane conversations around the water cooler about current events, the new season of the latest bingeworthy show, or last night’s game. A friend of mine once said that “small people talk about others, average people talk about events, and great people talk about ideas.” Do I talk about sporting events and other trivial things? Of course. But I’m at my best, and I feel most energized when I can sit down with someone and discuss life, philosophy, and beliefs. Perhaps most of all, I enjoy being around people with differing opinions, and being able to discuss them without raising voices or expressing hatred for others (although I will admit that these discussions are becoming increasingly rare).

Having friends who push you to be better enhances your life. I’ve often said that if I’m the smartest person in the room, I’m in the wrong room. I want to be challenged; I want to grow. I once had someone ask me why I kept striving for things, since I had already accomplished so much. My response was simple – I’m not dead yet. (Cue the Monty Python references). I believe that we’ve been created by the Divine, and we’ve been created in God’s image, which is primarily a Creator. Our souls are literally coded with the mandate to create, but how many of us only know consumption as a way of living? I was talking with another friend at our last class reunion, and we had taken art classes together in high school. We talked about how important it was to continue to explore our artistic side, and we challenged each other to make an effort. I recently bought a sketch pad to do some drawing, and she’s looking at taking some painting classes.

Growth, while uncomfortable at times, can lead to true happiness. How many of us refuse to grow because we don’t want to endure any suffering? Or worse, we don’t grow because we live in an environment that doesn’t foster it. If you plant flowers in the shade, there won’t be growth, and it’s the same when you don’t have a support system that encourages you. I used to hang out with a bunch of people that told me that my dreams weren’t attainable, that I wanted too much from life. Faced with that kind of feedback, there was only one solution – find another group. Clearly, I was in the wrong room. And sometimes, recognizing the need to move on from people who don’t stimulate your growth can be the bitterest of pills.

You really see it in my profession too. We are constantly pressured to live up to the standards set by our employers. But that can be a growth inhibitor as well. The “standard” of most organizations is some sort of middle-of-the-road philosophy meant to strengthen its weakest members. Unfortunately, this often results in subconsciously discouraging excellence. We shouldn’t be trying to live up to a standard; we should be striving to always set higher standards. Somewhere along the line, a physician’s autonomy was seen as a bad thing, and battles for control can get ugly. I’ve often told people for whom I work: if you have to remind a physician to be kind and caring to people, you’ve probably hired the wrong person, and that’s not on them…it’s on you for putting up with it. The excellent don’t need to be reminded to be excellent. In other words, there are times we need to remind ourselves that we belong in other rooms.

If you’re not in an environment that promotes growth, seek a new one. Make sure your circle brings something to the table. And for heaven’s sake, don’t be the smartest person in the room. My challenge to you is this: find a better room.